A World Without Z

I finally got around to reading Y is for Yesterday, Sue Grafton’s final mystery novel.  She spent most of her adult life writing the Kinsey Millhone series, beginning with A is for Alibi in 1982.  The intention was always to have a Z book however cancer took her life before it was able to come to fruition.  Citing Sue’s wishes that nobody ghost write for her, daughter Jamie said, “out of the deep abiding love and respect for our dear sweet Sue, as far as we in the family are concerned, the alphabet now ends at Y.”

I adored Sue’s books.  I even had the honor of meeting her at a book signing years ago. She was a lovely person.  But what’s this business about the alphabet ending in Y? What, like Z doesn’t matter? What, you think because zero starts with Z and zero means nothing that we don’t need Z?

Without Z we wouldn’t have pizza.  We’d just be calling is ‘pia’ which sounds an awful like something you do in the bathroom.  And Facebook would have never happened.  Who would invest in something invented by a guy named Uckerberg?  That just sounds disturbing.

 It’d be a heck of a lot harder to win at Scrabble without Z.  And drinkers would have to either abstain or just get drunk because they could no longer get a buzz.  And speaking of buzz, what the heck kind of sound would a bee make in a world without a Z?   

Warm summer evenings would either be hot and stagnant or windy as all get out because there would be no gentle breezes in a world without a Z.  And it would either not rain or it would downpour because there would be no drizzles without a Z.

Beverly Goldberg would have had to find a new hobby because Bedazzle would never have been invented.  Doing your taxes would be infinitely more difficult without the EZ form.  ZZ Top would have just been Top, and well, that just sounds stupid.

In a world with no Z, kids would visit the “oo” to see the “ebras.” Cheap wine lovers would request “infandel” and risk being seen as terrorists.  People coming down with colds would try to fight them off with “inc” and risk poisoning themselves.

And finally, I would have to spend my downtime putting together jigsaw “pules” which sounds like something you need to fight off with an antibiotic.

So dear Grafton family, as much as I loved and respected Sue, I’m afraid you can’t just erase the letter Z from the alphabet.  We need it in our lives so very much.