Lent 2019

These past few months have been extremely trying, with many ups and downs. As always, God remains the constant force in my life no matter what swirls around in my head or in my surroundings.  As Tauren Wells sings, he is the God of the Hills and Valleys.  Ever constant, ever present, unchanging and unconditionally loving.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday.  I've observed Lent in previous years, but this year feels different.  I am heading in determined to come out a different person.  I want to get closer to God.  I want to die to self.  I crave His word, His presence, His voice.

I have struggled a lot lately with motherhood.  I don't feel like a whole person, because my own interests have had to take a back seat for the sake of my children's well being.  I have gotten depressed and felt defeated.  I have felt like giving up and giving in.  I have felt hopeless.

As I walk into Lent, head bowed and heart open, I am praying for a renewed spirit.  I want to change my mind and my heart.  Service is a gift.  Selflessness is a blessing.  It gets us closer to God, which is exactly where I want/need to be.  Lord, I am praying like I have never prayed before--PLEASE change me.  Please help me die to self and put You first, put my family first, put others first.

I love you so much, Lord.  I love you so, so much.  <3